How to Have It All with Hashimoto’s: Without Doing It All with Renee Warren

Inna (Speaker 0)

You just heard about all of Sarah’s struggles and join me on the show today to talk so much more about all of this is Renee Warren. Renee is an award-winning entrepreneur, angel investor, and the host of Into the Wild, which is a top rated podcast, empowering women to really step into their greatness. She’s the creator of the Pink Skirt Project where ambitious women come together to redefine success.

and rise together. She’s done so many different things and Renee, I am so excited and honored to have you on Thyroid Mystery Solved. Welcome.

Renee (Speaker 1)

Well, thanks for having me.

Inna (Speaker 0)

Of course, I love bringing people together from all different walks of life. And I especially really love opening conversations about things that many health podcasts really don’t because healing isn’t just about biochemistry. I mean, yes, of course that’s important, but I don’t like to define myself and others in our community as just someone with Hashimoto’s, right? Because we’re so much more than that. And whether we’ve been struggling with health issues for years or it’s something that’s more recent, there’s so much more to us.

And that’s what was happening with Sarah too. So I’m really excited to dive into everything with you because I think so many people that are listening today don’t just want to feel better physically, but they want to be fulfilled. I honestly, I think that it goes both ways, right? When we’re fulfilled and it actually helps our nervous system and it helps us to heal, but doing it all is not easy. And you are someone who’s really figured a lot of this out. And so I don’t typically start with the story when I do my shows, but I think in this case it would.

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be really, really helpful. can we start by, can you first share your story, how you overcame burnout, how you recommitted to yourself and your values and where you are today?

Well, first of all, I have not figured it out. It’s like every stage of life, you think you get to this point where you figured it out and then someone moves the goalpost. It could be like you’re in your 40s and everything seems to be jiving with parenting and relationship and you’re making the money you always dreamed of and then boom, perimenopause. It’s like you’re always going to be facing a challenge, whether it’s emotional, spiritual, physical.

like those suffering from thyroid issues or Hashimoto’s. My dad actually suffers from thyroid issues. Luckily, I’ve had all the blood tests done to know that I’m good. But I will say this. I’ve always had stomach issues, like gut issues ever since I was a baby. But going into grade school, like grade four and five, I was hospitalized. They thought I had Crohn’s disease or colitis. They couldn’t figure it out. This was like the eighties.

In the 80s when they didn’t have a diagnosis, they’re like, you’ll grow out of it. And I never did. I never grew out of it. But what happened was we became more aware of what could cause these symptoms. So their thought maybe I was celiac or had a dairy allergy or something. So I just by default started cutting out certain things in my life and it got better, but it never went away. And to this day, I still have issues like sensitive stomach and

Whatever, like I know how to get through the tough days and the tough weeks. But fast forward to 2012 when I was pregnant with my first son Max, I started a public relations agency and we grew really fast. We had clients from South Africa to San Diego. We were growing our team in our office as well as remote. And we were having like, we’re having great months, huge profit margins.

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And when Max was born, we were on this like really crazy trajectory. We went from a co-founder and I to all of a sudden a team of four to a team of six. And in that growth, like I had never run a business like that before. I was also having my baby. So, you know, first time child, it’s the biggest shift. I had no clue what to do. Luckily he was healthy. But I found out only a few months later that I was pregnant with my second son.

So in the same year of launching that agency, I had both kids. I mean, that in and of itself is a full-time job. But also to paint the bigger picture, when it came to like paying the bills, even though my husband just had a company acquired and he was raising around for another startup, he was always traveling. The bank needed a steady income from one partner in order to get a mortgage. It didn’t matter how much money was in the bank, right?

So there was pressure for me to show up, to get the paycheck, to get the benefits, to get all the stuff that we needed to be able to get the mortgage because we were building a house. on that too, we built a house, moved into it. And then Noah, when my second son was born, we were building another house and we moved into that one when he was four days old.

Oh my gosh. Building, mean, forget even like renovating a house and think building a house from scratch. And that’s how I got my first Hashimoto’s flair. And I renovated it, didn’t even it from scratch. So I can only imagine.

Right. And so we, so that I had two babies and I remember walking into our new house that by the way, it wasn’t even done. It was supposed to be done. And there were certain things that weren’t in place yet that technically weren’t allowed to move into it because it was considered dangerous. Like we had this upstairs living room that’s like a mezzanine gallery that overlooked the living room and the kitchen.

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and the glass, custom glass wasn’t in yet. So there was no barrier. So obviously we weren’t going to go upstairs, but still some people are ding-dongs. So we pushed a couch up and kind of blocked the way and made sure that max didn’t go up and there was like plumbing and electrical. So there was always people in there. There was a buzz. And I remember holding Noah in my right arm. He’s four days old. Like I’m not even remotely close to like being recovered, let alone being able to walk across a floor.

And there’s a big gorgeous bouquet of flowers. Like they must have cost like $200 and our house is empty and this is a big ass house. And my husband’s standing behind me and he is just so excited to bring me into this new home with this beautiful bouquet of flowers. Just like he’s so proud of what we’ve built and I’m just done. Like I’m done. My whole body just starts shutting down. I start crying.

I said, I don’t like this, let’s go back into the old house, but we had rented it out, so we had to be out of it. And it’s like all these things started at this point. Luckily, both my kids were healthy. Now I learned that my second son would not sleep at night. So for the first three months of his life, he was up every hour and a half, maybe every two hours, and we were not getting sleep. I was still going back to work and I was full time back at

when Max and Noah, sorry, were five weeks old. So, Mangish was five weeks old. had a one-year-old and a five-week-old. And they were in daycare full-time. So, there was this opportunity to relax because they were in daycare full-time. And believe me, there were days when I quote called in sick because I was like, I just need a day to sleep and eat pizza and be alone.

Because there were clients that needed me, demands from the team. My babies needed me. My husband needed me. He was going off, trying to raise around for his new startup and he’d be gone for two weeks. And I was doing all this by myself. We had a cleaning lady come once every other week for like two hours. There was just, there was no support. It was the opposite of actually bringing your kids into a healthy environment. Cause I was so burnt out. And all of this.

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we started to notice the need for help. We started to make the money where we could hire help. So we hired our cleaning lady, Shannon at the time, came in on Tuesdays. She was there for like four hours. Then I asked her, Hey, could you come in for six hours and do our groceries? Sure enough. She, yep, no problem. And then I asked her, could you do eight hours? Yep. Sure. So we got her for the whole day. And then I said, wait, can we just divide you up Tuesdays and Fridays? Could you come both days and can you do a meal prep? So

I just started asking for this help. Never thought I deserved it. Never ever thought I deserved it. So there was also this incredible guilt. And I was what you would call skinny fat. So I’m a six foot tall woman and I would just like every morning just chugged gigantic coffees and eat like buttery bagels and never balanced meal. And I was, I was completely burnt out to the point where there was one day my car was parked in the garage.

And I was backing out to go for our team offsite. And I backed my new car into my husband’s new car and smashed the whole front of his car, back of my car. His headlight was on the neighbor’s lawn. And I knew at that moment that something needed to change. And that’s when it all slowly started. It was the asking for the help. It was building the systems. It was being okay with knowing that I’m not the one that’s supposed to be doing this all.

We started a family playbook, was in essence, it was a Google document. And it was all like the doctors, the educators, the chiropractors, the plumbers, like any person in our life that helped us do something was, it was created a standard operating procedure for our household. And then we created systems around that. And here’s where it actually, the biggest part and where it turned for the good was,

not distinguishing between like a man and a woman’s role in our society and like what’s expected of us, but actually who’s energetically available for the things that needed to get done. And let me explain. I woke up early in the morning. That was just easier for me. So I would deal with the boys in the morning and I would get them ready for daycare and I would drop them off at daycare or the bus stop. My husband would pick them up. And I said, this works for me.

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because I want the mornings and I have more energy in the mornings, but at the end of the day, I just can’t serve anybody. Just like we thought about like every possible system when we looked at what we did successfully in our business, how do we apply that at home? And it was a concept that was absolutely absurd to a lot of people. Like family members thought, how could you do that? I had comments like off-handed comments saying,

What’s the point on having kids if you’re not going to raise them? Women questioned how long I breastfed for. Just all these and those stung. I doubted myself. Like am I even doing this right? Like maybe I shouldn’t be a mother. Maybe I should give my kids up for adoption because they’d do better somewhere else. But the problem at this point now is that I was doing, I was just surviving. Everything was just mediocre. So my work was mediocre. My leadership was mediocre.

As a wife, gosh, don’t even ask me about being a partner. As a mother, well, I just did what I thought my kids needed to survive, not thrive. Because in my, like the conditioning and when I was a kid, was mom did it all. I went to college the first day of university. stood, I had an all girls dorm. I remember the washer dryer, the laundry unit was like at the end of our floor. And I was like, I need to go and do laundry.

I had never seen a washing machine before. I stood in front of it, holding my laundry embarrassed. I don’t know what dial to push. had to go like a girl down. I was like, I’m sorry. Can you help me out? This is really embarrassing. So I vowed to never raise my children, having everything done for them. also like, until this day I wonder, my mom’s almost 80 and she’s just like, just full of energy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her sick a day in the life. I don’t know how she did it.

So when it came down to it, we realized that it’s not my responsibility to do it all at home and be an entrepreneur. And it’s not one person’s responsibility, but I do need help. And that’s when we just outsourced everything to the point now where we have and have had a full-time house manager for five years. And it has been the best thing that we have ever done for our family life without that person in that role.

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I could not do what I love to do. My husband couldn’t do what he loves to do. And we couldn’t live the life that we live.

What an incredible story. And I my gosh, you’ve been through so much, this is also, I mean, it’s so familiar to me and to so many people in our community, because whether we have a health condition or not, right, the body keeps the score. So there’s only so much that we can do. And, I think what’s so interesting, I have so much to comment here, but what’s so interesting and what really relates to Sarah’s case, and I think so many others listening is that we want to do it all. I mean, I can relate so much to everything you’re saying because

I just posted about it today, actually, like I love being a mom and I love doing all the things and one of my children has special needs. So like it requires more, but it also takes a lot more of myself regulation to be able to do all that. But I also love working. love creating. love doing the show and content and my courses and all of the things. But like you said, right, there’s only so much time and then, you know, everything kind of has to give. And, you know, I think for people who want to do it all, it’s really important to know that like, yes, you can.

but it’s okay to ask for help. And that’s really what you figured out. And what I love so much, and I could see how sometimes people may look at it a little weird or may not know what you’re talking about, but I think it’s so important is the SOPs. So SOPs are standard operating procedures. That’s a big word in the business world, right? Like anyone who has a business, runs a business or works in a business is going to know what an SOP is. But if not, if you don’t do that, then you’re an SOP. Like, is that like a weird curse word that I don’t know about? So.

Right, we’ll jump in.

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you know, and I think often people don’t relate, but it’s like, if we have these operating procedures in our business or a business runs smoothly, then why not? Right. Why not have that in our house or a house runs smoothly? think that it’s different, right? But it’s really all the same. So I’d love to get into that because I think so many people want to just like Sarah make sure, right. That they’re tending to themselves, supporting their nervous system, doing things to heal, but they don’t want to stop their life. They still want to be a good mom, a good.

partner, good business owner or employee, whatever else that they’re doing.

Let’s talk about- I want to provide my perspective on something. You said that we think we have to do it all and we can, which I think is not correct. You can’t do it all. There’s no physical, emotional, spiritual way that you can do it all. Right? Because you think about the stay at home mom, which is, in my perspective, the hardest job in the world.

because there’s just no, it’s relentless. They could not do that and then go start a business and be completely, like, you can’t be committed to so many things and be great at it. And greatness comes from doing fewer things really well. And, you know, coming back to Sarah with Hashimoto’s, really what it comes down to is, and I’m not at all discounting any sort of disease or illness, but

There’s a lot of these things that are in your head. They’re in your head because your body is gyrating off stress, off this need to constantly be doing. And even when your body’s at ease, you might be resting, reading a book, your head’s not turned off. And it can take years for your body to recover. Years, if you haven’t allowed yourself to insert actual pauses in your life. Like rest, good sleep,

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nutrition, hydration, exercise, we know all this stuff. It’s like, it would take an idiot to be like, oh, geez, know, sleep doesn’t help me. Yeah, it does. We’re human beings. We need to sleep. Yeah. Like I said, it’s not I’m discounting these diseases. I just see it so often when people get like rushes and they get shingles or they like even the people get cancers. How much of the stuff in our life that is keeping us down is generated because of our thoughts.

is generated because of we’re serving someone else’s expectations of our life. And we don’t want to do it. Like the lawyer who expects their kids to be a lawyer and they have absolutely no interest in it and they still go the course because this is what dad wants. And they live this life because they’re filling someone else’s dream of what their child does. when you think about, so Hashimoto’s is a real thing. Obviously, like people suffer from it.

Thyroid issues, my dad has it, people suffer from it. The symptoms of these things are real. And you even talked about when you got a flare up moving into a building house. So when you think about how can we minimize the risk of feeling like crap every single day, what is really involved here? What’s involved is putting your mind at ease.

And when that’s like the foundation of a good life, cause you’re thinking, okay, you’ve already got the hydration, nutrition, exercise and sleep. What needs to be taken away or added to like built on this foundation for you to live a life without any flare ups or very few flare ups. That’s what it comes down to. And when you take a 30,000 foot view at someone’s life who has any sort of chronic illness, I do, you may call it IBS, whatever it is. I know when I start getting,

indigestion by way of it feels like someone’s starting a fire in my stomach. It’s because I’m stressed out. I know this now because I’ve done every possible test under the sun from colonoscopies, endoscopies, MRI, CT scans, ultrasounds, blood tests. And they’re like, there’s nothing wrong with you Renee. So that is my body’s way of telling me slow the F down. So when I look at how did I get to here, feeling good, recognizing my symptoms,

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And seeing when that stuff starts to creep in, when I’m like starting to pop tums because my stomach is hurting, that’s when I go, wait a second, this isn’t right. And that’s when I’m like, Hey, could you take the night shift with the kids or listen, I’m going to go to the gym a little bit more or I’m going to hang out with my girlfriends, whatever I know I need to rest my body. It’s not about letting it get so bad that you can’t recover or that it just takes forever. It’s about recognizing that awareness about the moments when this stuff starts creeping in and you need to say,

I need me right now.

And this is something that so many of us miss. by the way, also, I’m so glad you brought that up and you said that it’s that we can’t do it all. And I love your saying that, because it’s, you we could do it with the right support, right? With the right help. We can’t do it all alone. And that’s, that was just a really good way to, to phrase that. So when we think about kind of going back to me, right, us ourselves, which is so important, let’s talk a little bit about.

boundaries? What are some of the most important boundaries for people to be able to put in place so that they know, wait, things are happening, right? And it’s really figuring out like that beginning part, like the spark, not when like the straw breaks the camel’s back, but like the spark that starts it.

Think about the things in your life that you know are the biggest game changers for you. For me, it’s sleep. Some people can operate off like five hours sleep and still be fine. For me, it’s and exercise. So what do I do to protect that? Well, it’s like if we’re hosting dinners at our house, as an example, we’ll have Christmas parties with 100 people and we invite them over at 4 p.m.

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people think that’s absurd. And I go, dude, this is perfect. Cause if you have another Christmas party you, want to go to and get wasted. You can leave from here. comment for, but here’s what we do at 10 PM or earlier. We have a hired cleaning crew that shows up. Cause there’s nothing like getting the point that you’re no longer welcome here when the cleaning crew is mopping around your feet. What are the boundaries you need in your life to be able to like look at your calendar for the day and not be overwhelmed?

For me, it’s like, I know that I can’t do more than three podcast recordings in a day. After that, mean, even two would be questionable. And there’s buffers around the meetings. There’s certain days of the week that I just don’t do certain things. Like Mondays and Fridays, I don’t do meetings. Friday afternoons, I’m with my kid. Kidza. I have two of them. And like, also being okay with missing stuff, like last night and today, I…

You do not want to go into my kitchen right now because your feet will get stuck to the floor. It’s so sticky with sugar and lemons because the boys were so busy making lemonade. They’re going down to their waterfront here and they’re going to be selling lemonade today. And I got them all set up and I get hurts a little bit because I’m not going to be there, but Betty’s going to take them. And I’m okay with the fact that I can’t be there for every milestone and everything. Like I missed their first steps.

But on my deathbed, I’m not going to be like, geez, I wish I was there for the first step they ever took. The bigger picture is what matters. So much to unpack here. But what was that question again coming back because I went off on a tangent?

boundaries, like what are the most important ones? And it sounds like what you’re saying is that it depends on what are the things that move the needle for you, right? So if it’s sleep, then the boundary is like, don’t go out past that time or don’t invite people or actually politely ask them to leave at a certain time, right?

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Well, and those are like, those are extreme examples, but boundaries are my family knows that I am happier when I work out and specifically when I do CrossFit of all things. my husband will say, Hey babe, have you gone to CrossFit this week or have you gone to the gym? Because he knows I’m getting on edge. And that means I know he’s offering that space for me to go, no excuses. Cause it’s all about teamwork, even with the kids.

Our boys are 12 and 13 years old and they’ve been cooking on a gas stove ever since they were six. They’ve been doing their own laundry since they could touch the buttons on the washing machine because well, obviously these are just life skills, but also when you give them that responsibility, they need to own it. You’re teaching them something, but then you don’t have to do it. They pack their own lunches. They clean their own containers. They, they do all the things they’re so capable of doing and

Yeah.

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by letting go of that task does not make me a terrible mother at all. Cause that was the story I told myself. I’m a bad mom because I’m not putting their lunch together. And like, believe me, there’s days I’d open up their lunch box and it was yogurt and apple and a juice box. I go, dude, this is not going to get you through the day. But I never, I never, added more. They said that was enough. They come home with end of day starving. They’re not going to die. And it was a lesson learned. Yeah. Then they’re like,

I need to put more in tomorrow. But that’s like one thing in terms of delegation too. It’s like, my gosh, I have the most exquisite assistant. Her name is Morgan. She just gets it. She’s been with me now for like two and a half years, maybe more. Anyway, when I got comfortable delegating was when the switch just happened.

And that is really a big thing that I want to dive into because so many reasons, but, I think people feel like they’re bad mom worker person, right? If they have someone else help them, but then it’s, I think it’s twofold, right? It’s accepting help, but it’s also being able to understand what it is that you want and properly like delegate it out. it’s like understanding you need it. And then also like, how do you.

tell someone because there’s so many different beliefs under all of that. how did you, because I know you’ve had those beliefs, you mentioned it, right? So how did you get over those and how did you become good at delegating? Cause that is a very big skill that

So here’s a thought. The crazy thought is this, that there are people that love to do the things you hate doing. And it’s crazy. So crazy. Like I hate cooking. Like with the passion, I’d rather scrub a toilet. True fact. But there are so many people that absolutely love it. So why not pay them to do the thing they love to do? it like, it’s just, it’s so conceptually makes so much sense. For me,

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when I actually did the work, I learned that I didn’t, I didn’t feel like I deserved that help because I was also so worried about what my parents would think. Like what would my mom think that we have somebody in our house prepping our meals, doing the laundry, mopping the floor. So I hit it. I hit it from them for the longest time. I also hit our success from them. Like we have supercars and a private jet and we live a beautiful life. I get that. And for the longest time, I couldn’t even share that with them because they’re like,

They made these like passive aggressive comments. I go must be nice or you know what? One day I just sat them down and I go, yo, this is my life. Okay. I know as a parent, all you want from me is for me to be happy and healthy. I am happy and healthy. I live a different life. We have different values and I appreciate the way that you raised me, but I’m not going to do things that way. I need you to know this is the life we’re going to live and we want you there with us. So you can either accept it.

but I’m not gonna accept those stupid snark comments no more. And here’s a list of things you’re not allowed to say.

How did that conversation go?

They’re fine. They’re like, thank you. We didn’t even know we did that. I’m so sorry we made you feel this way.

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So a lot of the times when we look at this stuff, like there’s probably listeners that are like, oh my gosh, know, must be nice or I wish, or I can’t afford that. Yeah, you can. You can because you can’t afford not to. And I’m talking about, there’s actually an episode on my podcast where I interviewed Jillian Harris and she talks about how she uses Siri. I can’t say it out loud because she’s probably going to, oh, she went off.

I just wanna…

to organize your day. And like I use Voxer to chat with my assistant. I’ll be like, hey, you know, could you message so and so I’m going to be late. you can do shared grocery lists with someone who comes to clean your home. Why don’t you ask that person, hey, listen, I hate the grocery store. Could you just do that? I’ll pay you extra for your gas and your time. And you can get an app called Listonic. And essentially you build these like a

shopping lists together and they get notified when you add something and vice versa. So on the days they come to claim they show up with all the groceries you need for that week or those few days. So you think about how can you optimize your week and your day to actually be focusing on the things you love to do. Anybody can afford something. You can even hire the kid up the street. The 14 year old boy who wants to make an extra 20 bucks a week.

Create a list of to-dos and they’ll show up. You have to get creative. You have to know that your boundaries mean that you’re breaking a pattern. Your boundaries mean that you’re doing something that’s unexpected, that’s probably not, some people would approve of it, like friends and family. And at the end of the day, you what happens? You end up inspiring so many more people because they never even knew it was an option.

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I never even thought to ask our cleaning lady to do our groceries because I thought that was two separate tasks. But why not? They’re already passing the grocery store on the way here. They just got to go 30 minutes early because they have a list. They know where everything in the store is and then it’s done. Great. Absolutely. So the boundaries for me are protect my sleep and my sleep routine starts at noon, which sounds absurd. It start simply means no caffeine after lunchtime.

And then we follow a four, three, two, one protocol at home where we don’t have any sort of emotional conversations four hours before bed. Stop eating three hours before bed, turn off electronics two hours before bed and take my last sip of water one hour before bed. And that way everybody’s ready to go. is. Yeah, but nobody will. guarantee you they won’t because they’re going to be on their phones like this. They’re going to be watching a show.

So simple. Anyone can do that. Anyone can do that.

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They’ll say, but Renee, that’s how I relax at night. I watch Netflix before I go to bed. That’s great. That’s fine. So make sure you’re wearing your blue light glasses or how about instead of doing that for two hours a night, you do it for one hour a night. And then you spend the last hour before bed reading a book with your husband or playing a board game. There’s just, there’s so many options. People refuse to break the pattern of what’s comfortable to actually create a life where they feel great.

True. Because, it’s comfortable, it’s routine. And it also honestly is numbing for a lot of people because after a day is done, they don’t want to even try to have a conversation. They’re just trying to numb out on whatever artists they’re watching.

Yeah, because they’re also just so used to it. Yeah. We talk about like this past week, we took all our kids’ junk food snacks away and we took away all of their gaming devices just in one foul swoop. I didn’t agree with it. It was my husband’s way. was like, you know what? Fine. We’ll just do this. And we’re on day three now or day four. And it’s a game changer because they’re not even…

pick it when you first brought it up.

the first two days were terrible. Horrible. It’s kind of like if you’re an avid coffee drinker and you stop drinking coffee, you’re going to have a couple days of withdrawal. Right? Like any time you cut something out, you change something and then it’ll take another probably week or so for them to understand they’re not getting those gaming devices back. Just because it’s summertime doesn’t mean you’re going to be gaming all day every day.

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So now they’re doing like lemonade stands and they’re going over to buddy’s houses more and they’re just doing stuff and they’re happier. They’re happier now sitting and like going on Roblox or whatever game they play is expected for them and they get they look forward to it because they can be tired and they can still do it. Right. But they don’t get joy from it. It’s like an addiction. They don’t they don’t get joy from it. They get joy from

being with friends. When I asked them, what’s your favorite part about gaming on Roblox or my son loves playing on VR? He’s like, I love when my friends join. I when I with my friends. I’m like, there’s the door and it’s sunny outside, bye. So coming back to like the boundaries thing, it’s your life. You can decide whatever the heck it is you outsource or you delegate or you don’t. That’s up to you.

It’s not your father’s life to live or your mother’s life to live or your husband or wife’s life to live. It’s yours. And if you’re a decent human being with even the tiniest set of balls, you can go and say and demand what you want.

Yeah. And what about perfectionism? Because that’s another big thing, right? When we talk about boundaries.

It’s just an excuse not to do the thing. It’s just an excuse not to launch whatever or to not delegate. I’ll tell you this, I had little sense of perfectionism thinking I’m going to delegate certain parts of my business or my home life. And I would like hover like, you’re not going to do it the way I want to. Guess what happens? They do it better than you. Every single time they do it more efficiently.

speaker-1 (33:18.178)

They do it when it needs to be done. Like I used to always just default clean the kitchen after every single time I used it. The weekends, I’d like clean the kitchen after breakfast, knowing that in two hours it’s going to be lunch and no one’s coming over and it’s going to get dirty again. So my husband’s like, well, why are you doing that? Why don’t you just save that 20 minutes and go do something else and not worry about it? Cause the kitchen’s going to get dirty again.

And it’s true. It’s like, even when people come over, they’re like, my friend Anita said it best. She was coming over for the first time to see my house. And I apologize. I was like, I didn’t have time to tidy up. And it’s a little bit of a mess. And she’s like, you know, Renee, how dare you live in your house? How dare you live in your house? And I said, thank you, because it’s true. The perfectionism and like making sure everything is perfect.

before you start just means you don’t actually want to do it or you’re scared. And you’re not supposed to know every step of the way. You’re supposed to just take the first step. Having your car detailed is another one. Like I know there’s people that love mowing their lawns and washing their cars, but there’s a of people that don’t. And you can hire people do that for you. And they always do it better. They always do it better. Yeah.

And I think for people who, because a lot of times what comes up people is, well, but I can’t afford it, right? But it’s like, the hour you spend on it, you can do so much with that hour, whether that’s for yourself to then heal yourself. So you spend less money on supplements and all the other stuff, right? Or doing something for your work, whether you work for yourself or for someone else. And chances are you can hire someone for less than what you can make in that hour.

Yeah, you have to be creative. So I hear two things all the time is I can’t afford it, which is a lie. tell themselves. Like I said, the example, you could hire the kid up straight for 20 bucks to do to haul all that garbage out of your backyard, whatever it is. And the other excuse I hear is, my partner’s not on board for this.

speaker-0 (35:18.488)

That’s a good one. Yeah.

So it’s always like, it always seems to be the wife because the wife has these beliefs that she has to do it all in order to be seen as a good mother or seen as a good wife. So how do you do It’s little things, cause I was once that woman. I was her. And it always just started by, okay, we’ll just do one little thing. So like the one little thing was, how about in the winter, we hire somebody to shovel the driveway.

Yeah. Go about when the partners.

speaker-1 (35:51.406)

That was it. And when we moved into a bigger house with the bigger driveway, said, yeah, let’s go. I’m like, how much is this going to cost? Just because I’m curious of the value. And it was like 500 bucks for a whole season. I’m like, let’s do this. And then when I got okay with that, I was like, well, you what else can we do? And that’s when we asked Shannon to do our groceries for us. And the thought went through my head, well, she’s going to not get the right things. And she’s just, she just doesn’t know.

I mean, how hard is it to get milk and chicken? It’s really not that hard. So it’s just like biting off a little bit at a time, especially with women. kind of need to be introduced to the concept of having somebody else do the things for them. Men, would be like, I know this. like, yep, you go, you do this and you do that. Or you can go cold turkey and just full send it and see what happens. Probably not a good idea.

Yeah, that might be a little hard. I know for me, and I’ve gotten so much better at delegating over the years, but there’s definitely this thought of, but like I could do it better. But you know, it’s like you said, you can’t do it all by yourself. So you could do it better, but not everything. And eventually like things are going to start to fall.

Yeah, and the big thing that comes up too is you feel like you’re undeserving of that help. You don’t want to burden somebody else. So I think about like here at the studio, there are, I don’t know, like 10 young guys. Like some of these are interns that got a job here. And Dan, my husband, was very clear about the role that they have is you’re going to be on meetings where we’re looking at possible companies to invest in. And you’re also going to be asked to heat up my lunch and bring it to me.

I just want you to know the two differing kind of energies. They’re equally as important, all of them. And they’re like, sure, no problem. And so I see those boys like heating up the lunch and bringing it to him. And to think I could ask them to do the same thing because I didn’t want to burden them.

speaker-0 (37:55.138)

I mean, as you were saying that, just describing what Dan said to them, like, and I’m so into my body now, like normally I wouldn’t have noticed it, but now I’m like, I got like a little like tension, like right here, because I to think, like I asked people to do these things, but to us, I’m to heat up my food. Like, that just feels weird. You know, like I.

Try it once. Just do it. Because if you set the intention and you set it once, say, here are the things that I might ask of you, or can you do these things for me? And they say yes, then that negativity and that feeling needs to go away right away. Because they already expected to do it. They’re already expecting you to ask. Now, if they don’t want to do it, then they’ll say that, or they’ll say, so-and-so can do it for you instead. But

Little things like that, because in my mind, it’s a break from the sitting down. I go and heat up my stuff and I get to chat with the people in the studio. But there are days like today when I just need to be like, yo, because there’s a big window here. I just got to wave and I go point at my lunchbox. And they know. They know. And it’s not pretentious. It’s not selfish. They’re here to do the job.

And I think for so many people, they think they’re being selfish. But it goes back to what you said, the not deserving.

Most people also want to serve. So can you imagine the delight that these like 18 year old kids have to heat up Dan’s lunch? Right? Or to just be of service. And that’s the thing, if you’re like, if you’re running a business or you’re getting help at home, if you attract the right people, then they’ll do anything for you. And like treat them well too, like treat them really, really, really well. And then this is something that they won’t even consider, you know, an issue.

speaker-1 (39:45.102)

Yeah.

Yeah, no, for sure. And I think that’s so important for everyone listening, you know, whether you’re getting help with work or help at home, like it’s okay to ask for those things. And it’s okay to actually even just think about, okay, what it is that you need, right? Because I think that’s the first thing is like, what do you need help with and be okay with the fact that you need help because you can’t.

And alongside that list, you write a list of all the things you absolutely hate doing and be real about it. Like I don’t like cooking, as I mentioned. So we have meal prep. There’s a company called Lonnie’s Meal Prep here and we send them our macros and we just ask them, can you do this for us? And twice a week they come with our meals for all of us.

That’s the stuff. like no meal’s the same. So Dan’s eating something different than me. The boys are eating something different. But we still get to sit down as a family and eat together. So you think about like sitting down for meals with the families, like mom and dad cooked the meal or mom cooked the meal and now we’re all eating the same thing. No, it doesn’t have to be that way.

Yeah, the important thing is the sitting down for sure. Yeah, exactly. We actually have our nanny do our meal prep. So when I hired her, I knew that I didn’t need we had a live in for a while. My kids are a little bit older now. We don’t need to live in anymore. And I hired someone specifically to come between four and eight to cook and yeah, do some nannying. But like if I’m home, my kids want to play with me and be with me. And I’m like, great, I’ll spend time with you and someone else cooks. And you know, she also has our macro, she has all of our allergies and she does make

speaker-1 (40:58.466)

being together.

speaker-0 (41:23.8)

like four different meals because my son has special needs and he only eats very specific things my daughter

That’s like my oldest. Yeah. Surprise like every day. I get it. And that’s the thing is there’s no shame in how you run the dynamic of your household or the dynamic of your company. If everyone is being treated with respect and you’re happy, there’s no shame that you’re asking somebody to do this for you. You’re providing a job and an opportunity for somebody else.

And from what I gather, just energetically, you probably have deep respect for that person and you treat them well. So they show up to a safe place to do a thing that they love to do and they get paid. That’s a pretty good deal.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that’s definitely the way to think about it. And, I know you and Dan, you know, you do so many different things in terms of outsourcing and I’m definitely working on some more of that, but I think for everyone listening, it’s just so important to really see that concept, right? That like, you can really like take back your time to then heal and to do other things because there’s all these people to help.

And that’s it. You just ask for it. I lost my kids too. It’s like you set the expectation. Like you go into a conversation when you have to deliver bad news. There’s actually research on this. When you say, I’ve got some bad news, actually emotionally, spiritually helps the person prepare for what’s coming at them. But if you just come in with the bad news, then it doesn’t work that way. So for my kids, I’ll say, Hey, listen, I’m really tired. I’m not feeling well. And I know it was either supposed to do this with you or for you.

speaker-1 (43:10.912)

And can we do it tomorrow or could you heat up my dinner for me? So when you like set the expectation, the intention of what you’re asking, people are like, absolutely, of course. Like I’m overwhelmed or like my symptoms are flaring up. Can you guys just do this for me in the next couple of days, please? Yeah.

Now, a lot of times when people have dealt with health challenges and for some, maybe for a while, right, they lose themselves a little bit in the process. And as they start to feel better, they get motivated. They want to do more things, but often they feel like they’ve lost their identity. What advice would you have for them coming out on the other side, feeling better and wanting to do stuff, but then kind of not knowing where to go?

Well, there’s so much to unpack in terms of identity, because it’s also, is it a man or is it a woman? Is it a certain stage of their life? Because without having any emotional or physical issues, health issues, then a woman in her 40s is transitioning into a new era. Right? And then people that are just having a baby or there’s an empty nest. And so how

When it comes to identity, it’s really not about what you do. It’s all about spiritually who you are because your identity is constantly shifting. But also your identity is still like from a spiritual perspective, it’s still the same thing. You’re still the same six year old girl. You’re going to be the same eight year old woman.

Like that heart that’s you, that’s in there, regardless of what’s happening in your life. And when you start to feel better, I know the hesitation too, and actually committing to doing stuff because you’re worried you’re gonna start feeling like crap again. I know these feelings where it’s like, I’ve had a great like couple of weeks or a few months, but there’s also this resistance where it’s like, you don’t wanna commit to do the thing because you’re worried you’re gonna get a flare up again, or something’s gonna happen. Do it anyway. Do it anyway.

speaker-1 (45:20.174)

Because I know that if it’s a thing you love to do, like kickboxing or drum lessons or whatever it is that you miss so much about what it was like before you got sick, that could actually help you heal faster.

So the identity comes back to you. It’s not what you do. It’s who you are. Regardless of you having four limbs, two limbs, no limbs, being a man or a woman, whatever, you can be a butterfly. And it’s all about who you are inside. And if that woman or that man wants to do the thing, wants to start the business, wants to travel the world, write the book, do it. Do it, because it’s like one of the five regrets of the dying is not doing the thing. Yeah.

and say you get sick again or flare up happens and you just put it on pause, come back to it. But I guarantee you that is a huge part of the healing process.

Yeah, because so often, right, there’s so much obviously emotional that goes into being sick and so much of, you know, saying yes when you really met no, so much of like not really spit, thyroid, especially is really about speaking your truth because of the throat and the fifth chakra. so, you know, being in a relationship just because you don’t want to be uncomfortable if you’re not in that.

craziest thing too when it comes to any kind of relationships is we stick to it because we’re more okay with the familiarity of the pain than not knowing how good it could possibly be. Yeah. And it gets like messy in the middle when you finally decide I’m cutting the cord with this person. And if you’re married, you have kids, it gets just, yes, it’s tough. It’s so tough. But those people that

speaker-1 (47:06.456)

They wanted it for so long and they finally do it. It’s kind of like, It’s really just making the decision. That’s it. Decide.

And that’s the thing, once you make the decision, everything else is actually easier. It’s making a decision. That’s the hardest. I agree with you so much.

Yeah. Yeah. And the thing is, is that’s like the, it’s called the voting system in your brain. So your brain’s always voting on stuff to do. You might call it decision-making, but I’m like voting. Do I have my coffee or my water? You know, I’m voting. Do I go unlock the door for Anita who’s going to be here any second? Or do I let her knock? Like all of these voting things that are happening in our brain cause tension and stress. And if I just decide, no, I’m not going to open the door for her, then the decision’s made and move on.

So now you’re allowing this energy to flow instead of getting stuck. So you have to make that decision. So whatever it is, the identity, it’s like, don’t even think about that. Don’t overthink it. You’re feeling good. You want to do the thing, go and do it. That simple.

and then listen to your body as you do it and stop if you need to.

speaker-1 (48:11.85)

Exactly. Yeah. Remember that. Remember to listen to your body.

I love that. Renee, this has been so much fun and so much hurt here and so much that I know people are going to take away to really look at and see how they can shift their life to make it better and for them to be happier. for those that want to learn more about you, where can they find you? How can they connect with you? How can they see all the things you have?

Yeah, well they can go to renewarren.com or follow me on Instagram, rene underscore Warren. We are, or have launched a, membership community that was off the heels of our big event that we had in June called the Pink Skirt Project. I’m just kicking that off. I also have a podcast called Into the Wild. So you come check it out.

Well, thank you so much for being here. We’ll put all this in the show notes and I’m so excited to keep connected with you. Thank you so much for being here. Of course.

Thanks for having me.